How to Work on Being Grateful When You… Aren’t

I’ve got 99 problems and being ungrateful is one of them! It’s not that I’m unhappy. I always try to have a chipper personality at the office, and I genuinely enjoy being there, so it’s not hard. I’ve got a good life and friends and family to enjoy it with. And Susie always keeps my favorite snacks on hand (thanks Susie!) But the ability to be truly grateful, and really FEEL it, generally eludes me. I’ve always identified more with having the mindset of a resilient “meh.” Black and white. Neutral. Just roll with the punches - high and low. Consistent and reliable. Meh. So every once in a while, when the holiday season approaches, I try my hand at being more grateful.

And the science of gratefulness IS out there, man. Positive psychology as a sort of “fourth wave” of psychological studies emerged in 1998. Previously, the field had focused on the negative aspects of the human brain: mental illness, ailments, and other disorders of the mind. But positive psychology was concerned more with positive thinking, happiness and living a fulfilling life despite disorder and disease. Books, seminars, and TED Talks teaching aspects of positive psychology have exploded on bookshelves and the internet since then. In The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life, author Shawn Achor talks about how to neurologically rewrite your brain for happiness. He says, “Success orbits around happiness, not the other way around.” The science is in: grateful people are happy people. 

Like I said: I’m a happy person! So why do I always find myself sitting in front of an empty list when I’m asked to reflect on my own gratitude? Why has journaling always surpassed my abilities? I’m beginning to think that on a neurological level, I’m just not built for joy. How am I supposed to be grateful to the universe when my back hurts? Or when I lose my keys for the millionth time? Or when ska music exists? (Just kidding. I LOVE ska.)

But lately, I think I have found my own way to be grateful. And that’s come in the form of mindfulness and being truly present in the moment when I do come across something that brings me joy. To slow down, let everything else in the world go, and just feel good for a second. Often that comes when I’m having the smallest of experiences: getting the best hugs in the world from my husband, inhaling a big lungful of fresh air, or rubbing my face in my dog’s warm belly in the morning. 

I think I can consider myself truly grateful for those things. If I work on it some more.